Reminder: anger=feeling upon being provoked; rage=reaction to angry feeling (mild to severe); resentment=retaining a grudge

Q. “I read that some emotions may actually be inherited. Is that true? A. “Yes.”

Q. “Then I may have inherited anger, while some other people may not have inherited anger. Is that right? A. “Yes”

Q. “Then it’s really not my fault if I get angry, and I shouldn’t be held responsible for it, right?”

A. “Look at the heading above. Anger is the feeling when provoked, and you may have inherited the feeling. You did not inherit rage. How you react or express your anger is a learned response. You are responsible for how you express anger.”

Granted, it may be difficult at times to restrain our reaction, but a responsible person should at all times be in control of one’s behavior.

A man was driving his new car, when another car, driven by an elderly woman, struck his brand new car. The man was furious, and he stormed out of his car, ready to tell the woman that she is a reckless driver and is a menace on the road. As he approached her car, he saw who the woman was and said, “Mother, were you hurt?”

The feeling he had when his new car was damaged may have been inherited, but his reaction changed dramatically when he saw that the other driver was his mother. Had it been a stranger, he would probably have delivered a scathing remark. He might have defended his behavior, “I couldn’t help it. He made me explode. Lucky I didn’t hit him.” Obviously, he could help it. No one makes you explode. You choose to explode.

Sometimes you get into an argument, and you realize that the other person is right. However, we may not want to realize that the other person was right, because that means we were defeated, and if we have difficulty in accepting that we were wrong, we may strike out at the other person.

Think of the times someone was angry at you because he misunderstood you or did not know all the circumstances. Before reacting to a provocation, give yourself time to think whether perhaps you misunderstood the other person or there may be circumstances of which you are unaware.

If you don’t have a knee-jerk reaction and give yourself time to think, you can avoid reacting in a way that you may regret.

Earlier it was noted that anger is most often the result of either frustration, hurt or fear. It was pointed out that frustration is generally due to the disappointment in our expectations not being met, and that it is important that we rethink our expectations. Sometimes we may see that our expectations are not quite realistic.

Anger is a natural reaction when one is hurt, and it makes little difference where the hurt comes from and even if there is no one at fault. When one slips on the ice and is hurt, it is no one’s fault, yet one is angry. Perhaps one is angry at oneself for not being more careful.

Feeling hurt may sometimes depend on one’s sensitivity. If someone gives you a friendly pat on the back, you are certainly not hurt. You may turn around, smile, and say “Hi.” However, if you happen to have a blistering sunburn, that same tap can be very painful, and your response is more likely to be, “Hey! Be careful. I’m sunburned.” Yet, you don’t get angry at the friend. He had no way of knowing how sensitive your skin is, and so you have no hostile feelings toward him.

Whereas you can tell that your reddened skin is sensitive, you may not be aware that your emotions may be as sensitive as your sunburned skin. However, our emotions can be exquisitely sensitive. Past experiences may have rendered emotions very sensitive.

For example, if you are asked a question to which you do not know the answer, you may simply say, “I don’t know,” and not be upset about it. However, if you were once humiliated in class because you did not know the answer to a question, you may retain a sensitivity, and even years later, when asked a question to which you do not know the answer, you re-experience the painful humiliation you had suffered in the past. You may feel angry at the person who asked you the question because he caused you pain, although he had no intention whatsoever of hurting you.

Feelings are stored in our minds, and even if they were dormant for years, they can be reactivated by some triggering word or act. We may then react,  not with the appropriate reaction for the current situation, but with the reaction toward something that happened in the remote past. At the time, we cannot analyze it. But we can review the event and ask ourselves, “Why was it that I became so angry yesterday?” We may realize that our reaction was not warranted, and that may help us watch our reactions to other provocations.